my mouth tastes like poor choices
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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