I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my vagina is haunted
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
