I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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