I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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