Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
