I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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