tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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