Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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