what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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