so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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