Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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