When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
