I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
