thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
