I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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