i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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