real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
