Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I could make wine with my vomit
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
