I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do vagina's smell?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
