I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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