And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she told me i tasted like america
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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