ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
