you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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