Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize