I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just cut my nipple shaving
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
