No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
