I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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