i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
