I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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