Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
