his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
True college students do jello shots in the library
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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