She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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