Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
