Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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