I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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