I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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