$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
