I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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