first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
