i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize