bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
