well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
