ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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