it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
