after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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