I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
