now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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