Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
