If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
