Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
