Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
