Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
