Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
