My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
