My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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