when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
