go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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