im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
