I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
