Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
