How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
