Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
