We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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