And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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