i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
