New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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