i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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