part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
