Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
