You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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