I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize