The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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