so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
