I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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