she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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