This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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