You can't special order awesome
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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