omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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