Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
